AHAGHAGHGHGHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I am on fucking vacation. Not only do I have the right, but also the duty to stay up all night and sleep in til afternoon. That's simply the rule of it.

And it's not as if that would bother anyone! I'm just sleeping. Just. Sleeping.

But every goddamn morning, my mother storms into my room and leaves my door open and the lights on, "GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT!". Or my father decides he really desperately needs to hoover the carpet.

And the most annoying thing? My friends. Dude! What the hell is going on, every morning someone calls to ask me what I'm up to. DUDE. ITS ONLY 10 AM. FUCK OFF. What's with them, are they some sort of Zombies?

So tomorrow's my last day of sleeping in, and I'm going to put headphones on, lock my room up, take out the lightbulbs and every phone's battery. I already sold the hoover on Ebay. I'm so going to sleep in until I wake up on my own. And if I don't wake up.... well, even better.

To my other personality:

I blame you for everything going wrong in my life. I blame you for drinking too much and then spilling out my deepest secrets. I blame you for being the cause for these secrets. I blame you for pretending I didn't remember anything, and I blame you from damaging the only working friendships I've had (on a full account, two) just because you took control over me.

I blame you for being a bitter person, for not enjoying sex, for not being in love, for being in love but not wanting it, for longing for someone but rejecting everyone, from being cold and distanced, from feeling unneeded.

I blame you for looking like a 12 year old geeky boy, I blame you for hitting my knees, toes and elbows on anything that I pass, you are the reason why my teeth aren't perfectly white and why I'll be wrinkled by the age of 23. I blame you for this horrible voice of mine, for the high pitched laugh and for all the people I've scared away with it.

I blame you for being not successful in any part of life, for being broke, for not watching news, for smoking, for simply everything that's gone and going wrong. I blame you for being just too gay to be true - in a literal sense, really - and for wishing my family dead just so they will not be hurt anymore by you.

I know your intentions, you bitch. You want to destroy my soul. I don't want to be you. And so I'm saying goodbye. Fuck off you rotten piece of horse meat.

Yours truly,
What's Left Of Me

PS: I gotta tell you though, it's a good thing you got the new Alias season. It's a killer. And I have to say, by all means, you do have a great taste in women.

Yesterday I saw a dead cat and it was the most horrible sight of my life and I'd rather split my ass in two and sell the parts on Nigerian black markets than see something like this ever again.

It wasn't just a dead fucking cat. It was a cute dead fucking cat. I've seen dead things before- ducks, rats, dogs, sometimes human people and occasionally even cats. No problemos. Fat cats, ugly cats, old cats, driven over cats.

But that one? Deaddest of 'em all.

Me, innocent little angel, walking down the street after my theory driving class, I see it's back. It looked like it was playing with something, except it wasn't moving. It was pretty tiny, maybe 5 months old, black with white spots and I totally fell in love. I hurried up because whenever I approach cats, they seem to sense and get the fuck up for the sake of their lives (not that I torture cats. I just like to scare them sometimes. Talk about instantaneous karma).

And then, when I passed and turned around- I swear I almost puked over it. Then I wanted to cry, but it looked so... Itchy & Scratchy, I kinda wanted to laugh, too, except I couldn't.

It was a normal cat, except it's eyes popped out and the skull was broken and the tounge was cut lying in front of her and it looked pretty awesome. I kept my coolness and went on, but then last night I had very sexy thoughts and suddenly, all I could think of was the image of that dead cat.

I even googled it because I wanted to find a picture of it, but in our shitty town I'm probably the only one who has a camera AND connection to the holy sacred Internet- like, simultaneously.

Fucking hell. Oh and I have a second blog now, but it's in German. You can check it out anyway because I'll post videos sometimes. Experience tells me one of the blogs is going to vanish sooner or later as always, because I can't just deal with a secret blog and one that is in German. I'll mesh it up again. Yee-ha. Oh and please if you decide to leave a comment for whatever reason, don't mention this blog here because my friends don't know about it and in the future, I'll keep wanting to write about them. Secrecy is the big word here.

Jesus, that cat...