It's really funny, my life. I have a car right now sitting on the street, waiting for me, and I have a driver's licence and it's all cool. I am finally 18- I could do whatever the fuck I wanted - and just have my kicks, I don't have too much of school stressing going on right now at the moment, either.

I have a little money to spare and a new mobile that actually works so I can call people.

Except, you know what really sucks? I don't have anyone to call. My brother stole my only real friend, Phil. I knew they'd like each other, but I never knew they'd like each other at this rate. And when it all started it was okay, because I was the only person initiating all the things we did, like clubbing or going some place. But now, P. doesn't call me anymore. If my brother wasn't living with us still, I probably wouldn't see either of them anymore.

P. and I, we have mutual friends, people we used to hang out with together, and now he's taking my brother along to hang out with MY friends. And my brother isn't so hot on taking his little sister with him all the time.

I love him. I really do. But he's an asshole and he is a loser who's waisting his goddamn life. Now he's sucking P. into this hole of waste along, going to strip clubs and getting their money done with poker. Then, when they're broke, they go to donate plasma, for 15 bucks the litre. And they get really sick and weak for a couple hours and then they go back doing shots and driving drunk and stoned.

It pisses me off that they have started ignoring me, like I'm just the little pain in the ass. I wish I could just beat them up. I can't even get them out of my sight because, haha, both of them live here (P. spends most of his days here). I'm thinking about what would've happened if P and I had been dating at some point, would my brother still have acted that way?

So now I'm sitting here, and I really don't know what to do because it hurts so much being betrayed by your own brother. It's not the first time this shit happens. If I had to count all my former best friends, there would be about 5/8 that went to spend another joyous life with my brother. Great huh? Pretty much all of my girlfriends fell in love with him. He's at a good rate, isn't he. And the problem is, I can't even blame him. For what? For being a good sport, for being a nice guy and for having fun with?

And I can't choose who Im more pissed at.. him or P. P. had the choice of turning his back on me and it made him the worst friend in the entire universe, even though it's my brother he hangs out with now. And we never even talked about it. On the other hand, I can't blame him for turning on me. He told me many times that he would like more than a relationship, and if that's the only way to deal with me saying no, then this has to be it. But there really isn't much of that physical distance given.

Whatever. I'm feeling pretty lonely and left out right now because they've gone with two of my other friends to eat out in this cool restaurant. No word on whether I'd like to come along or not. Not that I'd really want to anyway but it would've been nice to ask.