I got my period today! Score! In addition, I've also gained the wisdom to why someone would invent something as unforgivable as "Happy Period Ecards"! It's for those rare occasions where you'd rather jab your eyes out with chopsticks than have a baby- who would've guessed, I had believed that the cutters among the girls considered their monthly bleeding a free bonus- you know, the "cut once bleed twice" offer.

You have no idea how much I love my ovaries right now. I feel joyous and overwhelmed and although I'll be as red as a communist for a week, I've never been so proud of myself for not panicking and doing hasty things (like drinking a bottle of detergent). Although that one time when I met my ex-boyfriend at the beach, I didn't pull my pants down to take a crap in his face right there. I'll give some credit for that, too.

I also got rid of Cucumber. It's a long and winding story but she's gone. I do think she figured me out though, for I was supposed to be in Cologne when someone called our home phone and hung up after I said my name. She's not exactly stupid. And I don't like hurting other people's feelings- I still feel horrible.

Ah hell who cares I've got my period (and saved myself ten bucks for a pregnancy test).