If people would listen to me, they'd know that I'm almost always right. They'd have a much better life because they'd just have to ask me, and I'd tell them what's the what. They'd just have to believe what I say, and usually, I'm right, and when I'm not then I always tell them that I'm not sure.

Instead I have to watch people ruining their lives over small crappy things that could've been avoided if they only believed one word I said.

As opposed to everything I've ever dreamed of being, I've become more or less a poker addict. This is not a bad thing seeing as sometimes I will finance my other addiction, cigarettes, through the game. But it's pretty bad on the run, pretty expensive while I'm losing.

It's cool though, and it's fun. It gives me an excuse to hang out with the guys. Problem is, I haven't been hanging out with many girls lately, and I can already feel it. It crawls up on me, that emotion. GIRL CRAVING. And I don't mean that sexually, just the presence of a female companion that shares my thoughts and feelings. At least while menstruating, we should feel similar.

And then I'd tell her stuff like how my semi-crush already has a girlfriend. I'd add that hey, he's not really my type and he's short and he's a skateboard freak with a stoner attitude, but he's kinda cute, too. So I'm not heartbroken or thinking of him all the time, but he was a potential and now I can strike him off my list. Sometimes it's that easy.
We'd probably laugh and joke about it, she'd insist it breaks my heart and I'll have to convince her it really doesn't at all.

Then I'd make her share my joy for kittens. How cute they are, and meanwhile, we'd watch Sex and The City re-runs and eat salty chips, or cook! We'd cook pasta and I'd probably ruin the sauce or break some plates and she'd say that I'm clumsy because she's girly, and she knows how to cook. And shit like that wouldn't happen to her.

We'd paint our fingernails, hers would be French, mine a disaster. And the obligatory hot guys of the day talk where she can list me at least 10 new guys I haven't heard of, may they be prominent or just random blokes from our school, while I can only think of hot women and mention those and in the same take of breath convince her that I'm neither gay nor bisexual.

Sooner or later, we'll start having our periods together, she'll get on my nerves, we'll have some fights, I'd talk about how hard it is to hang out with chicks and listen to all their cheesy stuff about guys and make up and shopping and hang out with guys again. Either that or crush on her, which pretty much concludes the same way.

Well, I can't be rescued, I'm damned to be some type of guy rather than a girl.

This is the first time I'm really thinking about what I'm going to do with my life after school. So here are my options:

- University. Sounds cool, except if I really wanted to go to University, I'd have to get my ass to do some work right now so I can study whatever subject I want. The subjects of choice right now would be medicine (out of reach, I'm too lousy of a student for that) or journalism (no talent whatsoever). I can just as well forget it.
- Work & Travel. No money to do that.
- Nothing. Which would make my parents make me get married. Not so much my style, thank you very much.

To conclude, I have no fucking idea. I feel so much better now that I've solved this.

I don't normally do the meme-thing, but I loved this one that I found over at Avi's, and I'm bored, and I feel shitty because I had a car accident just a few hours ago and I'm still waiting for my dad to come home and tear my ass open a couple metres..

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode.
Right now? My father. Better dead than living (and kicking the hell outta me).

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Oh God, there are too many! But I'd probably pick Depeche Mode. Or REM. And definitely Christina Aguilera.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

My brother. He's the biggest asshole in the world right now.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

The type of cheese that's in cheesecake.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Anything my mom made. Mom's sandwiches are the best.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Good question... Right now I'd take Justin Bartha, he's so delicious... I can't help but like geeky looking guys. Though it's a question of perspective, he doesn't look so geeky on that picture..
(Are we talking girls, too? Because then it's Jen. I'm getting over her, a little, I think, but I'd still take her).

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Hmm... honestly, I can't think of anyone. Maybe Lloyd Banks. Heh.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

A bottle of vodka, two packs of cigarettes, a gram of weed and a room for the night with Pay-TV.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Sweet. I'll go to Sydney, Australia.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

A bottle of vodka, cigarettes, a hooker and a tent.

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?

Well, is that before I bought the vodka? Because then I'd buy something else with my 100 bucks. In any case, the answer is vodka.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

I'm going to go back to the days were the Bible was written, and on the first page write "To redeem your sins, every month write a check of 5$ to [my adress today]". This way, I won't ever have a problem again.
And if that doesn't work, I'll go to the day I was born and make sure the babys are mixed up.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Okay, the first rule is: No junk shit. Everything has to be deluxe. Deluxe food, deluxe TV, deluxe cars, deluxe deluxe. Everything.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?

I'd call it "Asshole Factory" and show the characteristics of what makes an asshole and how to avoid being an asshole. Every show, there'll be another face and another flaw to be corrected. I'm a little utopic that way, if you know what I mean.

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck. But I vary it sometimes. In German, I say "Ficken", which translates to "fucking". It's pretty random.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

That is one stupid question. I'd be scared to death, then I'd check them out if they're hot enough for a gang bang or something. I'd tape and sell it to a big porn producer. "Mummies Gone Wild".

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?

My W810i. I can call everyone I know to tell them of the fire, then relax and listen to music while I take pictures of it. But nevermind the question, I'll also take my favourite book, "The Star's Tennisballs" by Stephen Fry.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Have sex. If I can't find anyone to have sex with, masturbate and then buy some H or Crystal and headshot myself into a coma.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

I'd really like to be invisible-on-command. That'd be nice. I could check into a plane, fly to L.A., stalk Jennifer Garner, look what she really likes to do in her life, all her interests and so on, then I'd randomly meet her on the street and become her friend and be her perfect partner because I'd know everything she wanted in a person. So much for being over her.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Any day in which my mom was in a good mood. I wouldn't care which half hour. It must be so long ago that I don't even remember. I really wish she was happy again.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Depending on how my dad's going to react, probably today. I'm still waiting for him to come home and punish me.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?


Definitely Australia, and if I get kicked out there, too, I'll be supervising my island in Micronesia.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Bam, I don't know.. Probably the Pig's 'n Pipes bar around the block.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?

Two weeks ago, I would've said I would just float downstairs to my brothers room or down the street to Phil's house, but now I'd choose Tecker or someone else. I wouldn't really care at all.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Hitler... I think that would be interesting.

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My grandpa. I'd like to get to know him.

27. What's your theme song?

Teitur, "Rough Around The Edges"..

Adios muchachos, wish me luck for ... the rest of my life.

It's really funny, my life. I have a car right now sitting on the street, waiting for me, and I have a driver's licence and it's all cool. I am finally 18- I could do whatever the fuck I wanted - and just have my kicks, I don't have too much of school stressing going on right now at the moment, either.

I have a little money to spare and a new mobile that actually works so I can call people.

Except, you know what really sucks? I don't have anyone to call. My brother stole my only real friend, Phil. I knew they'd like each other, but I never knew they'd like each other at this rate. And when it all started it was okay, because I was the only person initiating all the things we did, like clubbing or going some place. But now, P. doesn't call me anymore. If my brother wasn't living with us still, I probably wouldn't see either of them anymore.

P. and I, we have mutual friends, people we used to hang out with together, and now he's taking my brother along to hang out with MY friends. And my brother isn't so hot on taking his little sister with him all the time.

I love him. I really do. But he's an asshole and he is a loser who's waisting his goddamn life. Now he's sucking P. into this hole of waste along, going to strip clubs and getting their money done with poker. Then, when they're broke, they go to donate plasma, for 15 bucks the litre. And they get really sick and weak for a couple hours and then they go back doing shots and driving drunk and stoned.

It pisses me off that they have started ignoring me, like I'm just the little pain in the ass. I wish I could just beat them up. I can't even get them out of my sight because, haha, both of them live here (P. spends most of his days here). I'm thinking about what would've happened if P and I had been dating at some point, would my brother still have acted that way?

So now I'm sitting here, and I really don't know what to do because it hurts so much being betrayed by your own brother. It's not the first time this shit happens. If I had to count all my former best friends, there would be about 5/8 that went to spend another joyous life with my brother. Great huh? Pretty much all of my girlfriends fell in love with him. He's at a good rate, isn't he. And the problem is, I can't even blame him. For what? For being a good sport, for being a nice guy and for having fun with?

And I can't choose who Im more pissed at.. him or P. P. had the choice of turning his back on me and it made him the worst friend in the entire universe, even though it's my brother he hangs out with now. And we never even talked about it. On the other hand, I can't blame him for turning on me. He told me many times that he would like more than a relationship, and if that's the only way to deal with me saying no, then this has to be it. But there really isn't much of that physical distance given.

Whatever. I'm feeling pretty lonely and left out right now because they've gone with two of my other friends to eat out in this cool restaurant. No word on whether I'd like to come along or not. Not that I'd really want to anyway but it would've been nice to ask.

There's really only one thing I really need right now: Friends. Good friends. Friends I can go out with and have a good time with.. goddamnit. And possibly friends who know the way to the good clubs.

Dude! Oh jesus, I've fucken passed my driver's examn. I am the -legal- holder of a licence! This doesn't imply that I am actually able to drive, just that I can legally practice on my own. Because I'm the worst driver in the world. Nevertheless, I've been cruising all around town the whole day and I'm really worn out but it feels like a million dollars baby.

My internet's not working these days so I'm passing the time rather annoyed, but I do hope it's going to be fixed soon so I can go back to my daily routine of spending hours on the PC without a social life. Not that I need one, just saying.

Tomorrow I'll be clubbing again and I hope K.'s coming along, too, so we can make out again but I don't think she's going to. She seemed rather... well, not that she regrets things but she must've been really really drunk. I don't care right now. I can drive.

Oh and, I'm going to fetch my new cell phone tomorrow, too... and go donate some plasma (in return of 15 bucks, for doing nothing but sitting and chilling for an hour). Hell, being 18 sounds like the kinda fun that I could have.

What's really stressing these days, though, is school.. still. I can't help but feel I'm wasting my time. The only really intersting subject right now, it's history, but by God that doesn't mean a dime considering how much of a torture the rest of my classes are. Basically, I'm only going to school because a) if I didn't my parents would want me to get married or something and b) my parents would want me to get married or something and c) my parents would want me to get married or something and finally d) I don't think I'd like a job and I don't have anything else to do right now.

Whatever. I can drive (and I discovered how much I like singing. Especially when I drive. Oh my God I'm so so stunned I passed.)

I don't want to go into detail of the how's and why's and when's, but my birthday was pretty cool and I was pretty drunk, and I woke up with a hangover and I got some nice presents, of which alcohol dominated by far.

But because I am too lazy to explain, here are some pictures that will hopefully say more than words (especially on my new haircut and my drunken state of mind):


(see more on Flickr)